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Buncha Stuff
In todays' world a little humor is abolutely necessary. If you don't have a sense of humor don't bother reading "Buncha Stuff"!
Boilin' Ed
I always know...
God won't give me more than I can handle
There are times I just wish He didn't trust me quite so much When injustice becomes law, rebellion becomes duty!
I know.....this doesn't affect you...so ignore it.....
http://www.newswithviews.com/Devvy/kidd421.htm
try a couple of these http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2009/01/10/top-10-how-to-videos.aspx
Talk about freezing your ass off! http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0106091vail1.html
check out the map... http://www.examiner.com/x-536-Civil-Liberties-Examiner~y2009m1d4-Train-search-just-another-incident-from-the-Constitutionfree-zone
Union Rules & Hookers---- A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"
"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."
"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered
Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house.
We observe all union rules"
The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" "The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."
"That's more like it!" the union man said.
He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde.
"I'd like her," he said.
"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next."
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My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, 'Dust.' And, that's when the fight started...
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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" Nah, she can order for herself. And, that's when the fight started....
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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And, that's when the fight started....
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My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big? I told her, "not as much as the dress she wore yesterday." And, that's when the fight started....
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I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in along time!" she said. So, I suggested, "How about the kitchen?" And, that's when the fight started....
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My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No", she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And, that's when the fight started....
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A REDNECK FROM GEORGIA DECIDES TO TRAVEL ACROSS THE SOUTH TO VIRGINIA TO SEE GOD'S COUNTRY.
WHEN HE GETS TO FRANKLIN , HE LIKES THE PLACE SO MUCH THAT HE DECIDES TO STAY. BUT FIRST HE MUST FIND A JOB!!!!
HE WALKS INTO THE INTERNATIONAL PAPER COMPANY OFFICE AND FILLS OUT AN APPLICATION AS AN EXPERIENCED LOG INSPECTOR. IT'S HIS LUCKY DAY!!! THEY JUST HAPPEN TO BE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE, BUT FIRST, THE LOG FOREMAN TAKES HIM FOR A RIDE INTO THE FOREST IN THE COMPANY PICKUP TRUCK TO SEE HOW MUCH HE KNOWS.
THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND POINTS AT A REE "'SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE? I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHAT SPECIES IT IS AND HOW MANY BOARD FEET OF LUMBER IT CONTAINS. "
THE REDNECK PROMPTLY ANSWERS, 'THAT THAR'S A WHITEPINE, 383 BOARD FEET OF LUMBER IN 'ER.'
THE FOREMAN IS IMPRESSED!!! HE PUTS THE TRUCK IN MOTION AND STOPS ABOUT A MILE DOWN THE ROAD. HE POINTS AT ANOTHER TREE THROUGH THE PASSENGER
WINDOW AND ASKS THE SAME QUESTION. THIS TIME, IT'S A BIGGER TREE OF A DIFFERENT CLASS.
'THAT'S A LOBLOLLY PINE AND SHE'S GOT ABOUT 456 CLEAR BOARD FEET.'
THE FOREMAN IS REALLY IMPRESSED WITH THE GOOD OL' BOY, HE HAS BEEN QUICK AND GOT THE ANSWERS RIGHT WITHOUT USING A CALCULATOR!!!! ONE MORE TEST.
THEY DRIVE A LITTLE FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD, AND THE FOREMAN STOPS AGAIN. THIS TIME, HE POINTS ACROSS THE ROAD THROUGH HIS DRIVER SIDE WINDOW AND SAYS, 'AND WHAT ABOUT THAT ONE?'
BEFORE THE FOREMAN FINISHES POINTING, THE REDNECK SAYS, 'WHITE OAK, 242 BOARD FEET AT BEST.'
THE FOREMAN SPINS THE TRUCK AROUND AND HEADS BACK TO THE OFFICE A LITTLE TICKED OFF BECAUSE HE THINKS THE RED NECK IS SMARTER THAN HE IS.
AS THEY NEAR THE OFFICE, THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK AND ASKS BUBBA TO STEP OUTSIDE!
HE HANDS HIM A PIECE OF CHALK AND TELLS HIM, 'SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE?' 'I WANT YOU TO MARK AN X ON THE FRONT OF THAT TREE!!'
THE FOREMAN THINKS TO HIMSELF, 'IDIOT, HOW WOULD HE KNOW WHICH IS THE FRONT OF THE TREE?'
WHEN BUBBA REACHES THE TREE, HE GOES AROUND IT IN A CIRCLE WHILE LOOKING AT THE GROUND. HE THEN REACHES UP AND PLACES A WHITE X ON THE TRUNK.
HE WALKS BACK TO THE FOREMAN AND HANDS HIM THE CHALK. 'THAT THAR'S THE FRONT,' THE REDNECK SAYS.
THE FOREMAN LAUGHS TO HIMSELF AND ASKS SARCASTICALLY, 'HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU KNOW THAT'S THE FRONT OF THE TREE?'
THE GOOD OL' BOY LOOKS DOWN AT HIS FEET, WHILE RUBBING THE TOE OF HIS LEFT BOOT CLEANING IT IN THE GRAVEL AND REPLIES, 'CUZ SOMEBODY TOOK A SHIT
BEHIND IT!'
HE GOT THE JOB
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An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk....
The receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?'
'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.'
'Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.
The receptionist replied, 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the doctor in private.'
The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone.
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes?'
'There's something wrong with my ear', he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. 'And what is wrong with your ear, sir??'
'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter.
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